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Love languages can be described as the ways in which a person communicates their affection and expresses their feelings, usually to their significant other, on a regular basis. It also refers to how a person likes to receive love or feel loved by the other person.
Unconditional love can improve the quality of the relationship and remove negative feelings such as distrust, guilt, shame, fear, anger and so on.
In 1992, Gary Chapman, an American author and radio talk show host, published a famous book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate”. You might be wondering what the five love languages are, some of which you may be familiar with. Here are the five love languages that Chapman conceptualised:
Physical touch
Acts of service
Gifts
Quality time
Words of affirmation
But, are love languages only limited to romantic relationships?
Just like any other relationship, the parent-child relationship requires abundance of love for both parties to feel safe and loved.
It is important to know that the child is feeling loved by the parent, especially because it is usually the foremost relationship known to the child, and can affect the way they form relationships in the later years.
The simplest way of finding out which love language is preferred by the child, is by directly asking them how they like to be loved.
This is of course, after explaining to them what each of the love languages mean and understanding how they relate to each of them. Alternatively, you can also try all five love languages and observe what excites them the most.
Let us look at how each of the love languages can be incorporated into the parent-child relationship:
1. Physical touch
Physical touch, a primary love language since infancy, helps the children feel loved and connected deeply.
Hugging
Kissing
Sitting on lap
Back rubs
Massages
Cuddling during activities (like story reading, watching the television)
High-fives
Piggy-back rides
Playing contact sports (like football, basketball, kabaddi, kho-kho, karate)
Combing their hair
2. Acts of service
Acts of service refers to going out of one’s way to fulfill the child’s errands and making sure that the child’s needs are met. Some ways of showing acts of service are:
Offering help before they ask
Helping them to create checklists or timetables
Checking their homework
Comforting them during sickness
Cooking their favourite meal
Picking them up from school
Making their bed
Handing them warm clothes on cold days
(However, it is also important to help the child only when they ask for it, in order to foster autonomy in the child.)
3. Gifts
Gifts must not be looked at as a means to substitute love, time or commitment. They are also not to be used as a way to reward them or bribe them into doing something. Rather, it should be used as a way to show your child that you were thinking of them, or that the gift reminded you of them.
4. Quality time
Doing something that you and your child love together can lead to spending quality time. A few examples for this are:
Performing your favourite hobby together
Spending time together at the movies, theme parks, etc
Having quality conversations
Going on walks
Baking or cooking together
Eating meals together
Helping them with their art work and then hanging it on the fridge door
Taking up dancing or yoga lessons together
5. Words of affirmation
Providing words of encouragement to the child in a genuine manner can have a positive effect on them. Some examples of words of affirmation are:
I am proud of you
I love you
I am thankful for having you in my life
You are beautiful
You are so thoughtful
I believe you
You are important to me
I am here if you need me
You gave your best and I can see the effort you’ve put into it
In addition to this, you could also boost their self-esteem and confidence through activities like letter writing, writing notes in their lunchbox, writing them words of encouragement before a big day, and even forgiving them for their mistakes when their intentions are good.
Have you ever tried to consciously communicate in these five love languages?
If so, what are your top three favourites? Share in the comments below.
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